Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
