U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
