I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
