My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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