Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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