So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
