You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
