i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
