i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
