Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no you cant smoke seaweed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
