I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
