i permit you to call me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
