My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
