I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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