She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
