You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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