she told me i tasted like america
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
