the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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