Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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