I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
