for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
