I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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