I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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