At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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