Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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