Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize