he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
