so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
