found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
