it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
