The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
