I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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