The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
