Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
