Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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