I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
