she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
