I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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