Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
