i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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