and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
