someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
