I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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