Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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