My Higher Power is John Stamos
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
