When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize