you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
