Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
