Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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