someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When are your genitals available?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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