I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
