i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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