idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
