You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
