I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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