oh god the rape fog is back!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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