A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
