It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the day after is always just damage control
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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