im six kinds of drunk right now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
