listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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