If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can I color on your dick again?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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