im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is wine microwaveable?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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