If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
