i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
