dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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