FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
