well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
