There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
